


The only thing I wanted to conquer

by valentine192



Category: Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Sex, Drama, Drama & Romance, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Football, Good Loki, Happy Ending, Hospitals, Idiots in Love, Loki Feels, Loki and Thor Are Not Related, M/M, Protective Thor, Romance, Self-Sacrifice, Smut, Teen Romance, Young Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-02-01
Packaged: 2018-03-10 00:54:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3270707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valentine192/pseuds/valentine192
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Fates decided to gift Loki with a rare disorder, but they also blessed Loki with Thor who refused to stop believing in miracles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The only thing I wanted to conquer

**Author's Note:**

> Okay! So, this was so sudden. I decided to work on this fic that I'm currently working on, but this song suddenly played and I was like, "oh shit, I got an idea and I have to fucking write this down." So I spent four hours typing on the computer until it was freaking 4am. Yes, crazy, I know, and now I need to sleep. Have fun, dearies!

The football field was wide, the rain merely a shower that the blue skies were still gleaming, the sun shyly smiling behind the mischievous rain clouds, the branches of the trees stretching like the arms of a mother that protected their children.

 

On the bleachers, two young boys sat, two different boys just on the cusp of puberty. The younger one, hair as dark as night and skin as pale as the moon, nudged the other boy. He said, “One day, you’ll be conquering the fields, Thor, and I’ll be cheering you on the sides.”

 

This Thor, a boy older by one year with a smile that radiated the same brightness of the sun, with eyes the glittered like the ocean blue, hugged his precious football to his chest. “Thank you, Loki,” he said. “All I need is you and I’ll conquer the world.”

 

Loki smiled and leaned his head on Thor’s shoulder, a friendly gesture showing the comfort between two friends.

 

+

 

Years later, graduation day, Thor stood on the stage with his robe and diploma in his hand. He punched the air, his smile stretching wide in a manner that rivalled the distance to the edge of the earth. His blond hair, chopped shorter that its usual length, tickled his neck as the wind blew. The crowd cheered, screaming the word, “Captain!” Thor being the captain of their football team, numerous agents already pulling him apart with their offers. Thor smiled at his teammates, his family, then he looked around looking for a certain raven. However, he did not see him that his smile disappeared. He walked down the stairs, his shoulders slumped.

 

Standing by a tree and hiding behind its trunk, that mysterious little raven listened. He peeked his head and watched Thor smile, but when he noticed that Thor was looking around, he turned away. He placed his hand on his chest and slid down the trunk of the tree. He promised Thor that he’d be there, but the pain was already difficult to live with. He pressed his palms to his face and cried. Praying to a god he was questioning, he begged for everything to just stop for a short moment.

 

+

 

The summer art exhibit, Loki stood by his paintings. He already gave his speech, he already enjoyed the food, and he was listening to the choir sing some show tunes which didn’t really fit his fancy. He just looked at his painting and jumped when a hand landed on his back. He turned around and gasped a name that he hasn’t spoken since the graduation, “Thor!”

 

“Hi,” Thor smiled, albeit in pain, and scratched the back of his head. “I promised that I’d be here, so I’m here.”

 

“Thank you,” Loki looked away because the depth of Thor’s eyes were drowning him. He could not swim forever.

 

“Can we talk?” asked Thor.

 

Loki looked around. He caught the gaze of his art teacher who saw Thor and nodded, giving a quiet permission for the boys to leave. So they did. They walked out of the building and moved to the football field where they sat on their usual spot on the bleachers. It was their little haven. They would sit there when they were younger, talking about their dreams and hopes for the future. When Thor passed the try outs for the school football team, Loki would usually sit with the girlfriends of the players while watching Thor practice. His and Thor’s closeness was always rather suspicious to some, but their friendship was believed to be just that - friendship. Although they belonged to different cliques, they were free of the usual bullies that frolicked down the halls

 

The two, sitting side by side, were quiet. Loki was holding his cellphone in his hand and looking up at the pale moon that shone brightly against the dark night. The stars were dancing, the singing winds playing a minuet gently to their ears. Loki closed his eyes, the wonders of nature getting to him as he tilted his head slightly to the side, his hair swaying slightly because of the wind.

 

“You’re beautiful,” Thor suddenly said.

 

Loki’s eyes opened as he faced at Thor. “Don’t joke like that, asshole,” said Loki. “I’m no woman.”

 

Thor’s lips were in a strained, straight line. He looked down, his hands playing with each other. His fingers could not stand still and his knee bounced. He asked, “Did I do something wrong, Loki? Are you mad at me?”

 

Loki, too, looked down. He didn’t want to lie, at least not to Thor, so he just said, “No.” It was still the truth. “I was just busy.”

 

“You weren’t there for graduation,” Thor’s voice was soft and pained. “I was waiting for you and I was calling for you. I expected you to be there at the family dinner. You were the only one I invited.”

 

Loki bit his lip. Apologising was something that he always wanted to do, but it was always so difficult that he usually kept mum about his own guilt.

 

“And you didn’t reply to my texts. So I waited for your exhibit to see you.”

 

Loki bit the insides of his cheeks and continued to stare at his feet.

 

“Did I do something wrong? Can you be honest with me?”

 

Loki closed his eyes. He couldn’t tell Thor the truth because it was too heavy for anyone, even him, to bear. It would only break Thor’s heart in the very manner that it was breaking Loki’s.

 

“Loki?”

 

“Stop this, Thor,” Loki begged. “I don’t want to talk anymore.”

 

“Why won’t you talk to me?”

 

Loki wore his mask, quietly thanking his involvement in the theatre for giving him his acting skills. But, just like the speed of how he wore the mask, everything crumbled. “I’m dying, Thor.”

 

Thor stared and forced a laughed out of his lips. “What?” He almost stuttered.

 

“There’s something wrong with my heart,” Loki looked down and clasped his hands together, as if the pressure could keep him away from Death’s ball. Tears formed at the corner of his eyes and he started to cry, “And it hurts. It hurts so badly, Thor. They’re looking for a donor and I’m in the hospital every week, but still nothing! I don’t know what’s happening anymore and… and…” He didn’t want to confess. He couldn’t. Thor would shun him. Thor would stop being his friend. But he couldn’t lie to Thor. “And I’m in love that it hurts even more. I could never be with… that person.”

 

Thor hesitated. He didn’t know which words to say, didn’t know how to move his hands. He, too, didn’t know what to do. But when the tears fell down Loki’s eyes, he also crumbled. He held Loki in his arms and whispered, “I love you,” then stiffened after his confession.

 

The tears flowing down Loki’s cheeks became even more violent that Loki started to shake. “I love you, too,” he said to Thor because he thought that Thor meant it in a platonic way.

 

“Loki,” Thor pulled away and looked directly into Loki’s eyes. “You’ll live. I swear, you will fucking live.”

 

“How?” Loki wiped the tears from his face as he continued to sob. “This is a rare disorder, Thor! And you’re leaving for college.”

 

Thor shook his head. “I told you before that all I need to conquer the world is you.”

 

“You cannot pick me over your future!” Loki punched Thor’s shoulder. “Idiot!”

 

And, for the first time since the graduation, Thor broke into an honest, delighted smile. “I missed that mouth of yours and the insult it shouts.”

 

Loki laughed and leaned to Thor’s shoulder, Thor being a comfortable warmth that made him forget his dreadful future. Maybe he could never have Thor in the way that he dreamed, but he will always have Thor by his side despite everything.

 

+

 

Loki lay quietly on the hospital bed. His eyes were blank, his body tired. He was only twenty and he felt as if he was already of old age. Needles stuck out of his body, blood being transfused continuously. He laughed, tired and forced, and looked at Thor who was sitting on the edge of the bed. Loki said, “I already dropped out of college last month. Sorry, I didn’t tell you.”

 

Thor combed his hand through Loki’s hair gently, his fingertips carefully rubbing Loki’s scalp as the dark hair fell against his fingers. He said, “I know.”

 

Loki frowned. The tubes going into his nose made it difficult for him to move but, with Thor by his side, he felt as if there was still hope. He asked, “How?”

 

“Your brother told me,” said Thor. Loki was the youngest of three boys, and they all went to different universities. One of Loki’s brothers, apparently, went to the same school as Thor that they frequently saw each other. Unlike his brothers, Loki could not go to his university of choice. He had to stay near home because of the hospital.

 

“Remind me to torture him,” Loki looked away from Thor. His voice was strong when he said those words, however, his voice quickly returned to that small tone that he has been using since his admission to the hospital. He said, “I feel like shit, Thor. My parents have been paying for my hospital bills since forever. The insurance is just not enough. Before I entered university, everything was still okay,” his parents both held prestigious jobs. “I told them that I’d go to a local college, something that would still be okay, but they didn’t want me to. They told me I was meant to go to a good university, but I couldn’t even go out of state. I had to stay here,” Loki closed his eyes because he could feel the heavy weight of his tears against his already sore eyes. “The tuition and now this. I’ve been stuck in this bed for a month now.”

 

It has been three months since Thor last visited, but he called Loki daily, always checking up on his dear friend. Since Loki’s confinement to the hospital, Thor has not spoken to Loki that he searched for Loki’s brother, Byleistr, who, at first, kept Loki’s condition a secret. However, Thor heard that Byleistr was taking an emergency leave from school that Thor begged - grovelled on his knees in the cafeteria - for the truth. Embarrassed because of Thor’s actions, Byleistr told the truth that Thor ran to his school advisors to ask if there as a way for him to have an emergency leave from school. However, since he was not related to Loki, he wasn’t allowed to leave.

 

“It’s already Sunday,” said Loki. “You have to leave tonight. You have class tomorrow. Are you taking the plane?”

 

Like Loki, who didn’t want to lie to Thor and _only_ Thor, Thor spoke the truth. “I dropped my classes.”

 

Those words surprised Loki who wanted to believe that Thor was just joking. Nevertheless, no laughter escaped Loki’s lips as he glared at his friend. Thor looked grim. And so Loki raised his hand, ready to punch Thor, and opened his mouth, ready to shout an insult. However, Loki’s hand fell back on the bed. He started coughing, his hand coming up to cover his mouth. Then he turned his back to Thor, the coughs growing heavy and strained.

 

“Loki?” Thor reached for him.

 

Loki closed his eyes tightly and started wheezing. The machines that he were connected buzzed loudly, the vibrations causing the machines to rattle against the walls. Blood oozed between Loki’s fingers that were pushed to his mouth. So Loki pulled the hand away, both he and Thor staring at the blood splashed on his palm.

 

Thor, his heart racing, ran to the corridors and screamed, “Help me!” He was crying.

 

+

 

Thor sat on the floor of the corridor. Visiting hours were over but they let him stay because of the emergency. Loki’s family was sitting on the seats of the corridor right in front of Thor. Loki’s mother, Farbauti, was crying loudly. Loki’s father, Laufey, had his face buried in his hands. Loki’s eldest brother, Helbindi, was blankly staring at the wall. The middle child, Byleistr, was biting his nails.

 

Thor covered his nose. The smell of the hospital used to be peculiar to all of them, but it suddenly became frightening. It spoke of death and how a hospital, its walls so pure and white, was like a cemetery. People died every day despite all efforts of saving them.

 

Loki’s mother grabbed her husband’s hand and screamed, “He has to live! I will not let my baby boy die!”

 

Thor buried his face in his hands and cried. He was sitting by the door which led to the room where Loki was currently being operated on in efforts to save him. For years, no one has found a heart to perfectly fit Loki’s. It was a gamble to use the other hearts. However, they all grew desperate and agreed to let the operation go. It was either that gamble or Loki’s death.

 

The cries of the mother grew louder as her children surrounded her. The eldest embraced her, the middle child held her hand. Loki’s father was pale, staring at the door with a desolated, forlorn fog spreading across his blue eyes.

 

Thor, too, looked at the door. He couldn’t do anything but pray for a miracle.

 

+

 

The hospital’s chapel was small. It was midnight. The air was cold, the trees were swaying, their leaves whistling a haunted sonata. Thor kneeled on the pews and clasped his hands together. He was not Catholic, he was Christian. But the hospital was Catholic and Loki’s parents chose the hospital because it was known for treating heart disorders. However, not all patients live - that was not the hospital’s fault. Faith simply could be harsh at times.

 

Thor stared at the crucified Christ hovering above the altar. It was an intimidating sight, but it was also a great reminder that everyone was simply human. Thor looked directly at the Christ and said, “I know that Loki questions your existence, but please have mercy on him. He’s too young. Only twenty.” The tears fell down Thor’s eyes. He was only twenty-one. Both he and Loki were too young to go through this. “I… I love him.” Thor looked down and pressed his knuckles to his eyes. He tried to stop crying, but he could not do that. It was all too painful.

 

“Forgive me,” he almost shouted as he was the only one in the chapel. The seats were empty, the silence intimate and passionate all together. “I love him, God, and I believe that you are good.” Despite the claims of the extremists, Thor believed in an understanding and loving god that adored all regardless of their beliefs and sexuality. “Please… please let him live! Please be good to him! He has so much to offer to the world!”

 

Thor looked up and stared into the eyes of the Christ. The thorns that impaled the statue’s head were frightening, the tears falling down the statue’s face a blatant representation of pain and suffering. It made him question himself, it made him question Loki. It made him ask, _why would God let Loki live?_

 

An honest answer escaped Thor’s lips. “I love him. He thinks that I mean it in a platonic way, but I don’t.” It was confession to a god that Thor believed exist, a god that Loki did not believe in. “It does not matter to me if he would never love me in the way I do, just please let him live because… without Loki, I’m dead. Please let him live because I need him.” Thor buried his face in his arms and cried. He did not notice that the statues in the chapel were crying along with him.

 

+

 

Thor fell asleep in the chapel because he did not want to stop praying. Unlike Loki, Thor believed in miracles and luck. He believed in magic and hope. Loki would call him childish, but Thor knew that Loki always wanted to believe in those things. However, Loki’s fear of death has always kept him from enjoying life because everything reminded him of death. Life itself reminded Loki of death.

 

Someone nudged Thor’s feet that Thor quickly sat up. He did not notice that he was stretched on the pew, he also did not notice that Loki’s father was sitting near him. Thor quickly straightened his posture and wiped the tear stains from his cheek. His eyes were in pain, swollen and red. The eyes of Loki’s father were the same.

 

“Laufey,” said Thor, “sorry. I didn’t notice that you were there.”

 

Laufey moved to Thor and kneeled. He made the sign of the cross and prayed as Thor quietly sat on the pew praying as well. When Laufey finished, he sat beside Thor and stared at the statue of Christ. Laufey said, “He’s our baby, Thor.”

 

Thor bit his cheeks and stared at Laufey who was still looking at the Christ. Thor was fearing that the operation was over and that the worst has already happened. He bit the inside of his cheeks harder until blood spilled on his tongue.

 

“He always teases his mother for praying too much, but that’s the only thing we could do now. The doctors are still there and we don’t know what’s happening. They wouldn’t let us in,” said Laufey. “We’re human, Thor, Loki sometimes doesn’t want to accept that fact because he just wants to live. Since we learned of Loki’s disease, we tried everything. We even put him in therapy so that he would be able to handle the stress.” The corner of Thor’s lip twitched. Loki never told him that. “But Loki has been scared of dying since that very day we told him the truth. He was only twelve then, and it destroyed him. We did everything we could but nothing was working. It felt as if we were just waiting for something. I wanted it to be a miracle but Loki simply waited for Death to take him. But I could not blame my son. The constant trips to the hospital, the stress. It frightened him. At first, he hoped. Then, he just gave up. It’s as if he opened his arms to God and asked for everything to stop. He wants to hide his fears, but I’m his father. He isn’t as tough as he seems to be. He’s still just a boy. My son.” Laufey covered his eyes with his forearm and cried. “He’s still my baby boy, Thor.”

 

Thor bowed his head and offered a comfortable silence to his friend’s father.

 

+

 

Thor and Laufey quietly walked down the corridors to return to Loki’s room. When the turned at the corner, Farbauti ran to her husband and cried on his shoulder. Laufey stiffened. He wrapped his arms around his wife and stared forward, towards his two sons and the doctor who were watching him from the door to Loki’s room. Thor fisted his hands and glared at the doctor. Laufey kissed his wife’s head and shook.

 

The doctor approached Laufey and told him of the results. Laufey soon fell on his knees and cried, his wife embracing him in a protective manner.

+

 

Thor sat on a chair right in front of the door to Loki’s room. The news came in already. Loki was alive, but the heart could only support him temporarily. They needed to look for another heart, one more compatible with Loki’s body. So, despite the miracle, they were drowning in another deep ocean and dancing in the middle of another storm.

 

Loki’s brother, Helbindi, walked out of the room. He was frowning, but his eyes were much more alive than the day before. He sat beside Thor and sighed. Thor slowly looked at him and asked, “How is he?” Thor hasn’t seen Loki yet because he let Loki have some privacy with his family first.

 

Helbindi pinched the bridge of his nose then said, “I’m scared. I’m the eldest, Thor. Though I’m mean to Loki and By, I love them both. They’re my babies.” Thor wanted to laugh because Helbindi would _never_ say those words, nor would he vocalise his obvious adoration for his younger brothers. Helbindi smoothed the suit that he was wearing. He was at work when he was called that he rushed into the hospital with his hair still slicked back. However, his hair has already fallen from the gel. With his hair down, though, he looked like Loki and Thor found it to be adorable. Helbindi said, “I’ve never been this scared.” He took out his phone and started typing. Thor looked at the screen. He wanted to ask what Helbindi was doing, but he saw that Helbindi was looking for donors all over the world. It made Thor smile. Helbindi said, “I’m going to find a heart even if I have to sell my own leg. I don’t care who I’ll get it from. I’ve been looking since I got out of university and I still haven’t found one. It’s been years, Thor. I’m tired. I really don’t give a fuck who gives me the heart. I’ll rip it from someone’s chest if I have to. I’ll even look at the black market because my brother _will_ live.” Anger was in Helbindi’s voice, an anger that was not be challenged because the desperation for life was the reason for the deafening rage echoing in Helbindi’s head. The man stood up and walked away. Thor watched him. Soon, Helbindi was talking to people that Thor listened. He winced when he heard Helbindi scream at the phone, “Get me a fucking heart right now, you motherfucking fool!” Thor did not know who Helbindi was talking to, but he definitely understood Helbindi’s madness.

 

+

 

Helbindi left the hospital because he was determined to find a heart. Byleister soon went out of the room and sat beside Thor. Byleistr looked at his wristwatch and said, “It’s already 3pm. Hungry?”

 

Thor shook his head. “I’m okay,” he said, but he was starving.

 

“Okay. Mom and dad would get out soon. They don’t want to leave Loki, but they need to eat.”

 

“Why not bring food in?”

 

Byleistr patted Thor’s shoulder and said, “So that you can have him for a few hours. We’ll sleep at home tonight because, you know, fucking visiting hours rule. Thankfully, they allow one member to stay with the patient,” Byleistr winked at Thor. “Take care of my baby brother.”

 

“What?” Thor was oblivious that Byleistr wanted to smack the younger one’s head.

 

“You stay with my brother and you take care of him for the night. Is that clear enough for you?” Byleister said in a joking way. If that was Helbindi who said that to Thor, it would be a serious threat to his life already.

 

“Yeah, yeah, By.”

 

“Take care of him, Thor.” Byleister squeezed Thor’s shoulder and soon called for his parents. After a few minutes, they left Thor by himself. Farbauti even embraced him, begging for Thor to be kind. And Laufey simply clapped his hand on Thor’s back.

 

+

 

The room was quiet. Loki was on the bed, his green eyes but a lonely island dying slowly as it stands, trembling, against a vast ocean. The tubes were back to his nose, the needles still sticking out of his arms. He would rather be dead than have his soul be stuck in rotting flesh.

 

Loki opened his mouth and accepted the food that Thor was feeding him. And, although Loki was quiet, Thor was talking to him. Even if Thor didn’t get any replies, he didn’t stop trying. He wanted Loki to feel as if there’s still hope as Laufey’s words echoed in his head. If Loki lost his hope already, Thor would help him find it again, and he would have the same determination that Helbindi possessed.

 

When Loki was done eating, Thor ate but he continued to talk to the seemingly dead Loki. When the night grew deeper, Thor tucked Loki in and slept on the couch. Once morning came, Thor fed Loki breakfast and excused himself when the nurses came in to clean Loki. Thor, honestly, wanted to help, but Loki glared at him.

 

By lunch, Loki’s family returned and they left again that night. The next day, only Byleistr came because Loki’s parents had to return to work. They had to pay for the hospital bills.

 

Friday night, the TV was showing a football game and Thor was engrossed. He even asked Loki if he was okay with watching football because they could watch Shakespeare instead. Loki didn’t reply. So Thor watched his show while feeling guilty. When the game was over, Thor closed the TV and opened the curtains so that they could see the moon shining behind the leaves of the trees.

 

Finally, since the operation, Loki spoke. “You shouldn’t be here, Thor.” Thor, happy to hear that voice again, turned to Loki and grinned despite Loki’s words. “You should be at your university,” Loki continued as his tears gleamed in his eyes. “You are their star, Thor. By told me all about it. Agents are even fighting to get you on professional teams already. Why haven’t you accepted any of their offers yet?”

 

Thor sat on the bed and took Loki’s hand in his. He has never done this before, scared that it would scare Loki away, but he was too happy to remember his pretence. He told Loki, “Because I promised you that I would take my schooling seriously, remember? That’s why I haven’t accepted any offers yet. I wanted my diploma so that you would be proud of me.” The reason why Loki made Thor promise him that was because Thor said that he would drop school so that he could take care of Loki.

 

Without looking at Thor, Loki wrapped his fingers against Thor’s bigger ones and said, “I also told you to follow your dreams. Don’t keep your promises to me if it keeps you away from what you love.”

 

Thor sadly frowned. He wanted to tell Loki that it was him who he loved, but he was scared. So he simply said, “The agents would always be there. I have their numbers. I know everything about try outs. I could go there any time I’m ready. I even have lunch with the agents sometimes.”

 

“Then go have lunch with them. Stop being with me, Thor. It’s useless.”

 

Thor has been patient for days, weeks, months, and years. And Loki’s words were enough for him to forget everything and scream. “Stop saying that!” Thor wanted to break something. He wanted to throw his cellphone to the wall to see it break and crumble. He wanted to break the machines surrounding them to make the environment seem more normal. He wanted to pull the needs from Loki to tell Loki that he would live. He wanted to pull the tube from Loki’s nose so that he could whisper to Loki’s mouth, promises of an eternal love already pirouetting at the tip of his tongue.

 

Loki, his eyes still blank and his shoulders still low, cried.

 

“I cannot take this anymore, Loki!”

 

Loki closed his eyes and whimpered, “Then leave me, Thor.” He pleaded. He already felt useless as it was. He didn’t want to burden people anymore. He was tired of seeing his family cry. He was tired of using their money and making them work for him. He didn’t want that anymore. He wanted everyone to live their lives with happiness and hope, two things that seemed to have been taken away from him since he learned the truth. He just wanted people to live in freedom, a right that has been taken away from him, too.

 

“No!” Thor cupped Loki’s face but was careful. “Look at me,” said Thor. Loki opened his eyes and Thor, his chest tight against his own heart, kissed Loki.

 

That small touch caused a fire to spread throughout Loki’s body. He didn’t know what was happening. He thought that maybe the gods were playing with him, mocking him because he refused to go to church. He even thought that his mind was playing with him because that kiss was unfathomable. Thor was straight. And Thor was Thor while he, Loki, was useless.

 

Loki grasped Thor’s arms and cried while Thor refused to pull away. His tears were warm, a heavy weight that forced itself between his and Thor’s cheeks. He sobbed, his lips parting because of it despite the comforting touch of Thor’s lips on his.

 

Thor slowly pulled away. He was scared that he frightened Loki, but he was more scared of losing Loki. He believed that he could forever hide the truth, but his own heart was dying while it hid behind its own secrets. “Loki, I’m so sorry.” He rubbed Loki’s tears away as the younger one continued to cry. “I’ve always loved you. Every time I told you that, I meant it seriously. There is no one I would rather be with than you. That’s why I’m willing to throw everything away just for you. I can always conquer a stupid football, but what I want to conquer is your heart. I hope that you’d still be my friend despite… this…” Thor wanted to say _love,_ but he did not want to frighten Loki away.

 

Loki embraced Thor and cried unto Thor’s shirt.

 

+

 

Thor laid on the bed beside Loki while Loki’s head was on his chest, Loki’s hand directly on top of Thor’s heart. They were watching a sitcom, something to make Loki laugh. Then Thor had an idea, a terrible, frightening idea that would require a sacrifice from him. It was too grandiose that Thor questioned himself if he could do it. But when he looked at Loki, he sighed. With his fingers running through Loki’s hair, he decided that he would do it.

 

The door opened and Byleistr entered. He was looking down, a cake in his hands and a grin on his face. He said, “Look what I got, baby brother! Your favourite ca-” He looked up and saw Loki on top of Thor, though it was innocent embrace, it was still rather unnerving for Byleistr. Loki, still tired, simply looked at his brother with those blank eyes while Thor looked frightened.

 

Byleister closed the door and placed the cake on the table nearby. His usual happy demeanour was gone and he was seriously frowning at Thor. “I know that I encouraged this, Thor, but don’t do this in front of me. I’m still a protective older brother. Even if my brother is a guy, I’m still a fucking protective motherfucking bastard that’s not scared to bring out the shotgun.”

 

Thor tried to sit up but Loki pushed his hand down on Thor’s chest. Loki looked at his brother and said, “But Thor’s too comfortable, By. I love being on top of him. It keeps me so _hot_ in this cold room.”

 

Both Thor and Byleistr turned red. Then, Byleistr laughed that Thor just stared in fright because Byleister never frightened him. Nonetheless, he knew that Byleister wouldn’t hesitate to call Helbindi so that they could both fry Thor and feed him to the wolves.

 

“You know,” Byleistr opened his arms and said, “Forget what I said, Thor! You brought my brother back! But, seriously, only this once,” Byleistr pointed a finger to Thor. “Never again. Only today.”

 

Before Thor could speak, Loki said, “Where are the plates?”

 

Byleister looked to the cake and said, “Shit. Let me get some.” He quickly left the room.

 

“Loki?” Thor looked at Loki who made himself even more comfortable against Thor’s chest.

 

“He’s too noisy.”

 

+

 

Thor sat in the doctor’s office. His face was red and he was seething. He shouted at the doctor, “What are you saying no? Check my fucking heart again, doctor!”

 

The doctor sighed and rubbed the side of his face. He took his glasses off of his face and laid it on the desk right beside his glass of water. “Listen, Thor, you had all your vitals and whatnot checked. You’re healthy, yes. But we won’t know if your heart is compatible with Loki until you’re dead. And we don’t accept donations unless you’re dead.”

 

“Then kill me!”

 

The doctor rolled his eyes. “You’re not the first lovesick person I’ve met. Thor, in this world, it’s never _a life for a life._ Whoever came with _an eye for an eye_ did not realise the repercussion to his words.”

 

“I don’t care! I want Loki alive!”

 

“Everyone wants someone alive, Thor. Like I said, you’re not the first one.” His voice was empty.

 

“How can you be so cruel?” Thor stood up and hovered over the doctor. However, the doctor was not intimidated even in the slightest.

 

“I see Death every day, Thor. Either I become immune so that I could continue saving my patients, or I die along with them. I can’t save everyone.”

 

Thor sat back down on the chair. He buried his face in his hands and cried.

 

+

 

The corridor was long and quiet. The smell of the hospital was strong, its chemicals seeming like poisons rather than potions. Nurses were walking down the halls, the doctors looking through the papers on their clipboards. There were patients walking around, family and friends walking, too. Thor was walking amongst them, his walk so quiet that he seemed to be invisible to all who simply walked pass him.

 

Thor entered the chapel. He kneeled right in front of the altar and looked up at the statue of the crucified Christ. He confessed, “Forgive me for I will sin. I will take my life and Loki will live. No one’s sure if my heart’s compatible with Loki’s, but everyone is born here for a reason. This is mine.” Thor’s tears gathered at the corner of his eyes and his voice was breaking. “I was born to love Loki, and I was born to save him.” Thor bowed his head and cried. The silence of the chapel grew heavier, and the statues were crying with him yet again.

 

+

 

Thor spent every day with Loki. He pretended that everything was okay, but he was bothered and scared. When Loki was asleep, he looked at the calendar on his phone and picked a date. It was already the third day of the month, and Loki’s birthday month was next. This sacrifice of his would be his birthday present to Loki, also his farewell to the love of his life. Thor painfully smiled. Loki would literally have a piece of his heart. Then, Thor shook his head. That was a terrible joke.

 

Thor raised a finger and pressed a random date. He soon closed his phone and watched Loki sleep. On the twenty ninth of the month, he would go to the highway and get himself killed. So he had twenty six more days with Loki, twenty six more days to get ready to say goodbye to everyone. But he could not tell anyone of his plans because they would stop him. He also did not want to leave a letter behind because they might blame Loki. But he wanted to leave a letter to Loki, so he started writing his farewell to Loki that night.

 

+

 

On the seventeenth of the month, while Thor was feeding Loki his lunch, the door opened and Helbindi entered. It has been a month since Thor saw him, and Loki smiled upon seeing his brother. “Helbindi, where have you been?” asked Loki.

 

Helbindi was literally dressed in pyjamas, something so peculiar for a man like Helbindi who was a clear image of power and status. Helbindi walked to Loki and kissed the top of Loki’s head. Yet again, that was a peculiar move for Helbindi who always hid his affection towards people. It made Thor smile, though, to see such brotherly love. Loki smiled, too, but he soon frowned. “Did you just kiss me?” asked Loki. It was then that he noticed that Helbindi has grown pale and that his skin seemed rather sickly. “Helbindi, what did you do?”

 

“I worked and worked and worked,” said Helbindi proudly. “Two hours of sleep per day for weeks, Loki.”

 

“You love work. You never tire of it but you look exhausted.”

 

Helbindi grinned arrogantly. “I am amazing. If I say I’ll succeed, I’ll succeed. You know that.”

 

Loki rolled his eyes and Thor chuckled. He always found Helbindi’s confidence to be entertaining because it was. Helbindi was also rather successful that Thor respected Loki’s eldest brother while being scared that Helbindi would behead him if he knew that Thor and Loki were in love. Then Thor stopped laughing. Byleistr already knew, and Loki confessed to his parents about Thor already. Surprisingly, Loki’s parents actually approved of the relationship. Apparently, they have known of Loki’s little crush on Thor for years already. So Helbindi most probably knew of it too. Thor paled.

 

Helbindi glared at Thor. “We’ll talk later.”

 

Thor swallowed and stood from the bed. He placed the tray of food on the nearest table and leaned on the wall. He wanted to give the brothers space. He also wanted to leave he feared Helbindi’s wrath.

 

Helbindi leaned to Loki’s ear and whispered, “I found you a heart.”

 

Thor cried before Loki could even say a word. A surgery was soon scheduled.

 

+

 

The corridors were quiet. Loki’s whole family was sitting on the seats and watching the door. Thor was sitting with them, his knee bouncing as he chewed on his lip. They were waiting, and this waiting was taking much longer than the previous time Loki was under the knife. And as they waited, the sun set and they fell asleep on the chairs.

 

When the sun started to rise, Thor woke up. Loki’s family was still asleep that Thor quietly watched the door. When it opened, he stood up and ran to the nurse whose eyes were red due to fatigue. Thor asked her, “What happened?”

 

The nurse took the surgery mask from her face and said, “He will live.”

 

Thor fell to his knees and cried so loudly that Loki’s family woke up. Then, Loki’s family joined Thor in crying. When they were given permission, they all walked into the room and kissed Loki who was quietly lying on the bed. They have never been happier.

 

+

 

Despite the surgery, Loki was still confined to the bed so that the doctors could watch how his body was adapting. Once everything was stable, Loki was permitted to go through physical therapy considering that it has been months since he was last allowed to walk. Then, finally, he was allowed to leave the hospital although he still had to attend therapy and get checked by his doctor. But all that didn’t matter to him anymore, because the freedom and happiness that he felt when he stepped out of the hospital was heavenly. And when he arrived back at his family’s house, he felt as if he was back in paradise. He even said, “I’m back home,” and his family embraced him while Thor watched from a distance. Loki’s family even asked Thor if he wanted to stay the night. Thor felt rather embarrassed to say _yes,_ but Loki insisted. After dinner, Loki led Thor back to his room. Helbindi saw that that he grabbed Thor’s arm and threatened Thor while they were _all_ in the living room.

 

“I know for a fact that you have not had a single sexual encounter with my brother because he was stuck in that fucking hospital room, but my brother is still my baby brother. If you dare think of anything sexual, I _will_ cut your cock into pieces. If you dare touch my brother in any way that is not innocent, I _will_ cut your cock into pieces. If I hear anything, I _will_ cut your cock into pieces. If you’re too loud and I barge in and witness you debauching my brother, I _will_ cut your cock into pieces. If you’re-”

 

Farbauti, sitting on the sofa in between Laufey and Byleister, glared at her eldest son. “Language, boy! Also, they’re old enough to do what they want.”

 

Laufey, Helbindi, and Byleister gawked at her. And they all shouted together, “No!”

 

“He’s still my baby brother!” shouted Byleister as he pointed at Loki.

 

“Sex is not allowed in the house!” said Laufey.

 

Helbindi let go of Thor’s arm and whined, “Mom!”

 

Loki laughed and led Thor up into his room. Helbindi wanted to follow them up but Farbauti glared at her son. The strong first born was actually frightened of his mother.

 

+

 

Once the door closed, Loki pushed Thor to the door and ran his finger down Thor’s chest. His voice dropped low, the tone of his voice drowning in lust that the room seemed to become smaller, trapping the two against each other. Loki said, “So, we finally have our privacy, Thor.”

 

“Loki,” Thor swallowed. He has always dreamed of this but Helbindi’s words were still echoing in his head. And, honestly, he loved his dear penis very much that he would rather have it intact than cut into pieces. Thor said, “Your brothers.”

 

“I can be quiet,” Loki bit his lower lip, his eyelids growing heavy as lust clouded his green eyes. “Or, if I get noisy, you can shove your cock down my throat. Or, if you want, you can bring me to your house and debauch me in every single manner possible.” He leaned closer to Thor, pushing their bodies together, and whispered, “I’m untouched, Thor. A virgin. That should be obvious enough, right?” He licked Thor’s neck slowly and sensually that Thor moaned. “Before I got stuck in that hospital, I dreamt about sex a _lot,_ but I only wanted you. So I stroke myself, your name spilling from my lips. And I’d stretch myself with my fingers, my mouth moaning your name.” He bit Thor’s earlobe and pulled. “Thor. Every night, that name would fall like a prayer from my mouth.”

 

Thor placed his hands on Loki’s hips and switched their positions. He pushed Loki against the door. Loki gasped, the door shaking a little. Thor reached for the doorknob to lock it. And when he sound of the lock echoed, their lips found each other in a passionate dance, a sensual tango of tongues and a beautiful symphony of moans. Loki tilted his head to the side, offering his pale neck to Thor who quickly pushed his mouth against the pale skin. He wanted to mark it, a possessive reminder for anyone who would dare steal Loki from him, a protective reminder that he would always protect Loki from anything and everything.

 

Thor pushed his crotch to Loki’s leg that the younger man moaned louder. Thor was starting to feel the heat in his crotch and Loki was the same. It was fast, a quick hardening they both blamed on the sexless months. Loki wrapped his arms around Thor’s neck and hitched one leg against Thor’s hip. Thor, his lips still sucking, kissing, biting Loki’s neck, grabbed Loki’s thighs and pulled him up. Loki wrapped his legs around Thor’s waist and let himself be carried to the bed where Thor quickly undressed both of them.

 

Naked, Thor above Loki, their hearts beating in unison, Thor placed his hand behind Loki’s neck, cradling Loki’s head as he continued to rain kisses down he hallow of Loki’s neck. Loki arched his back, pushing his chest against Thor’s. His legs were spread open, Thor nestled between his long limbs. Their groins were rubbing, their hardness pushing against each other in a frantic search for pleasure and each other, but they wanted to prolong everything as Thor wanted to worship the man beneath him.

 

Thor slowly kissed Loki’s body, his lips traveling down from Loki’s neck to his collarbones, to his chest to his navel, until he reached the hardness that he always wanted to touch since he was young, his once shameful dreams actually coming true. He took Loki in his mouth, his lips wrapping around the length.

 

“Thor…. Thor….” Loki moaned his name. He wanted to hold Thor, to run his fingers through Thor’s hair, but he didn’t know how. How would Thor react? Would Thor like it? So Loki, instead, grabbed the pillows beneath his head as he let Thor worship him.

 

The pleasure kept growing inside of Loki. Thor licked the length, his tongue wrapping around the head as he sucked passionately, the lewd sounds echoing through the room along with the sound of Loki moaning.

 

“I’m close… Thor…” Loki thrashed, his head moving from side to the side, until he spilled inside of Thor who swallowed it all. Loki, spent, simply lay down, his eyes closed and his chest dramatically rising before falling. Thor, licking his lips, let his imagination continue to play. There were so many things that he wanted to do the beautiful body beneath him, but he didn’t want to scare Loki away especially since Loki recently learned how to walk again. Thor voiced his concerns, but Loki was insistent. He went on his knees and raised his ass in the air right in front of Thor. He sucked a finger in his mouth, the noise of his moans loud as Thor grew even harder.

 

Loki pulled the finger from his mouth and played with the rim of his entrance. Quietly, he said, “Let me show you what I want.” He pushed his finger inside him and moaned. His head was pushed to the bed, his face to the side so that he and Thor could still see each other. And he moaned Thor’s name again, “Thor… please. I need you. I’ve always needed you. In school, I imagined that you’d take me behind the bleachers. I’d imagine you forcing me to my knees to fuck me like this on the teachers desk.” Loki bit his lower lip and moaned more sensually, a seduction that he carefully practiced. He closed his eyes and forced another finger inside of him as he continued. “I watched you train with your team, and every time you’d tell me about how you rammed into another player while on the field, I imagined you doing that to me but… differently.” Loki kept on moaning. “When we showered together, I didn’t want to touch myself. I wanted to touch you. And when you left for college, I grew so lonely. Whenever you would tell me good night after our phone calls, I’d touch myself imagining that you called to tell me to fall into such debauchery.” Loki added another finger into him. It was painful, yet it was pleasurable that his eyes remained close. All that he could think about was the pleasure. “I want you fuck me, Thor.”

 

Thor groaned and started stroking himself as he watched Loki open himself up. “Where did you learn how to talk like that, Loki? I thought you were a virgin? Who thought you these things?”

 

“I did,” said Loki, “because I kept thinking about how it was to be fucked by you. Can I talk dirty, Thor?”

 

Thor groaned and nodded.

 

“I want to be fucked so badly.” Loki further arched his back to present himself more to Thor. He took out his fingers and Thor stared at the stretched entrance. It was the devil’s own temptation yet heaven’s very blessing. And Thor licked his lips when Loki reached back to pull his cheeks apart, the little entrance begging to be filled. “I want your cock, Thor. Make me yours. Mark me. I’m yours. My body belongs to you. Please, Thor. Please fuck me. Please…”

 

Thor turned Loki around, pushing Loki to his back, and said, “I want to see your face.” He took Loki’s legs and placed it on his shoulders. Loki moaned and pressed his fist to his hand which amused Thor. Loki was a big talker and he could act, but the truth couldn’t always hide and Loki’s inexperience was showing. Thor leaned down to press a kiss on Loki’s brows. “We can save the rough sex for next time, Loki. Right now, let me love you.”

 

Loki looked at him and Thor felt that it was him who was drowning at that time. In Loki’s green eyes, he could see the insecurities that Loki kept hidden for years. He also saw the way that Loki let Thor enter that wilderness where Loki’s dark thoughts of death and uselessness hid.

 

Thor aligned the head of his manhood to Loki’s entrance and said, “Let me love you, okay? We’ll take this slow. Don’t feel pressured. Don’t feel as if you need to do this.”

 

Loki shyly nodded and wrapped his arms around Thor’s neck. Smiling, Thor leaned down and kissed Loki as he slowly entered his lover’s entrance.

 

Loki stiffened, Thor stretching his entrance even further, but Thor continued to go in as the kiss continued, growing deeper as their tongues started to dance again. When Loki felt ready, he threw his head back and whispered, “Move… please, Thor…”

 

So Thor moved, his thrusts slow at first as he listened to Loki panting and begging. And as the thrusts grew faster and harder, Loki wantonly moaned. Thor grunted, his hips snapping against Loki’s. He was looking at Loki’s face, watching the way that Loki let himself fall into desire. But Loki’s eyes were closed that Thor said, “Let me see your eyes.”

 

Loki would have laughed if he was not being debauched at that moment. Nevertheless, he opened his eyes. Soon, Thor was spilling into him that he threw his head back, the warm seed spilling down his entrance and onto the bed covers as Thor continued to thrust, letting ever single drop enter him.

 

Thor groaned and, with his member still in Loki’s, reached for Loki’s own hardness to stroke him. Loki, feeling the pleasure build up, covered his hand over his mouth. When he spilled, he screamed into his hand, his voice spreading within the four walls. And when the pleasure finally died down, he fell so lifelessly against the covers. Thor pulled away, his soft member falling from Loki’s entrance, and laid himself beside Loki who was still panting, eyes closed and face relaxed.

 

Thor smiled and kissed Loki’s shoulder. “Sleep. We can clean up in the morning.”

 

Loki moaned and moved so that he could be back in that comfortable position that gave him warmth while he was in the hospital, Thor on his back with Loki’s head on his chest, Loki’s hand against Thor’s own heart.

 

+

 

Breakfast the following day, everyone was quiet and the two lovers were holding hands beneath the table. The two failed to notice the awkward silence until Helbindi spoke, “I think it’s best if Thor goes back to his house tonight.”

 

No one went to Thor’s defence as Thor turned red. He faced to Laufey and started apologising profusely until Byleister told him to just shut up because Thor was only making it worse.

 

+

 

The following morning, while Thor was sleeping on his bed which has been unoccupied for months, the door to his room opened. Thor, thinking that it was his own brother, turned to scowl and scold his brother for not letting him have his privacy. However, it was not his brother who he saw. It was Loki.

 

Loki closed the door and locked the room. Thor would have liked that, but Loki was frowning and obvious angry. Thor stood up, opening his arms to welcome Loki, but Thor was shirtless, his sweat pants hanging low on his hips. Loki frowned further and said, “I’m not after that, jackass.”

 

Thor looked down and realised how he looked. So he put his hands down and quietly asked, Did something happen?”

 

Loki approached Thor and slapped him. Thor, shocked, stood still, but he quickly moved to hold Loki’s hand when he saw the tears in Loki’s eyes.

 

“I swear, this disease made me a fucking crybaby,” said Loki as he continued to glare at Thor. “You sent me an email, Thor.”

 

Thor’s eyes widened as he remembered what he did. He composed the suicide note and programmed his email to send the letter to Loki a few days after Loki’s birthday. Though weeks have already passed since that date, Loki has not touched the internet since his admission to the hospital.

 

“Loki, I…” Thor wanted to apologise for making Loki cry, but he didn’t want to apologise for even thinking of sacrificing himself for Loki.

 

“Foolish bastard!” Loki slapped Thor again. And Loki tried to do it one more time but Thor caught his wrist. Loki pulled away and shouted, “You don’t even know if your heart is compatible with mine but you were going to do it! You came so close to doing it!” Loki punched Thor’s shoulder that Thor took a step back. Loki continued, “That’s a stupid thing to do!”

 

Thor took a deep breath then said, “I’m sorry. I was desperate, Loki. I’m not sorry for my thoughts, but I’m sorry that I was rash. Yes, I had no assurance that our hearts would match, but can you blame a desperate man in love?”

 

Loki approached Thor and collapsed into Thor’s arms, letting Thor hold him and just love him as he, too, vowed to love Thor to the same extent. “I love you,” he confessed.

 

Thor held Loki tighter and kissed his lover’s forehead, a chaste touch that held the honest love that he had for the man in his arms.

 

+

 

Thor hit a touchdown. The crowd roared. The game was over. His team won. Thor took off his helmet and raised both arms above his head. His teammates ran to him, carrying Thor on their shoulders as they chanted his name. Thor, smiling so brightly, looked at the audience and searched for a certain man. When he saw him cheering and chanting his name along with the crowd, Thor’s smile grew brighter. He whispered, “I love you.” And the screen behind him, which was showing Thor’s face, suddenly became black. Thor looked at the screen and grinned. On the black screen, white letters started to appear.

 

_The only thing that I ever wanted was to conquer your heart. Will you marry me?_

 

The crowd grew quiet. Thor’s teammates put Thor down and the coach handed Thor a small velvet box. The football players soon left Thor alone on the field as the quarterback went on one knee. He opened the box and smiled at Loki who was staring at him from the seats of the stadium.

 

The message on the screen disappeared as the camera concentrated on Thor’s face before finding Loki within the crowd. Loki, tears in his eyes, nodded and said, “Yes.”

 

The crowd cheered and the cheerleaders went to the field to cheer along. Thor went on his feet and ran to side. The audience carefully watched him and the camera followed him.

 

Thor went to the audience and found Loki. He wrapped his arms around the smaller man’s waist and pulled him into a kiss. The cheering grew even louder. The cheerleaders started to do their acrobatics. Thor’s teammates threw punches in the air. Even the opposing team celebrated along with them.

 

When Thor pulled away from the kiss, he smiled at Loki and whispered, “Thank you.”

 

Loki cupped Thor’s face carefully in his hands and rubbed Thor’s cheeks. He lovingly stared into Thor’s blue eyes and felt like drowning again. Though one cannot swim forever, one can always drown in love. Loki said, “You have always had my heart, Thor.”

 


End file.
